It's kinda sad to think about, but sometimes I wonder if my parents really love each other and if they've only stayed together due to other reasons that have nothing to do with love.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

In the last three days, I have spent 28 hours watching The OC.

Now I am finished and not sure what to do.

Last night, I went to Shantytown in Springfield for the first time. Bands played and I took photos and spent too much on drinks. Midnight came and I didn't kiss anyone, for the 21st year in a row. It's a bittersweet trend; I think I might be a little sad when it does change one day. I met some cool guys from Chicago who are on tour and I meant to go back for their other show tonight, but didn't. Maybe I'll catch them when I go to Chicago sometime (this year). I went to a house party in Riverside and sat by a fire pit in a washing machine. A boy named Michael said, "You complete me," to me in sign language a few times. Jimmi came and danced with and said he was going to give me an Infentesmal button because I, apparently, am now officially part of the team. I slept on a couch and almost was suffocated by a cat. That was my New Year's Eve. I enjoyed myself, overall.

I learned a lot of stuff in 2009, but oh good riddance. I woke up this morning (on a couch that belongs to someone who, until two weeks ago, was little more than a stranger) and thought, This is going to be a good year. And, through today, as I sat next to Big Little Brother's girlfriend at the table and ate turnip greens/black-eyed peas--then, as I have been laying in bed for the past seven hours, watching The OC--I have cemented that feeling. The Tens are going to be a good decade. This first year is going to be a good start, anyway.
I have finally become so sick of everything that I feel I am, somewhat, starting with a blank slate. For the past longer-than-I-can-remember, I have always felt I had to fix everything and that has made me, not only overbearing in some situations, but also a person who did more than my fair share of work in a lot of relationships, whether that be platonic or romantic. Time to move on. As far as romance goes, I have determined I am happy being single. Even the prospect of relationships create too many questions which makes me feel awkward and I really do not enjoy feeling awkward so I am just not going to do it anymore. I was single literally for all of 2009 and technically for most of it and did pretty well for myself and was pretty happy with that aspect, until about a month and a half ago, so I am just going to go back to that thank you. I also am pretty snarky and nerdy anyway so I am just going to do what I want.


Really, this just felt like any other day. I just felt I should document all of this in my trusty livejournal.

I also thought about making a list of things I want to accomplish this year because I wanted to use the term "2010tions," because I think it's pretty clever, but I really hate the idea of anything remotely like resolutions.

This year:

I finished over a year's worth of someone throwing me out and pulling me in, making up his mind as to whether I was worth it or not--and, when he finally decided I wasn't, I was surprised.

I really embraced that there was someone(thing) greater than me. I came to terms with stuff from my past and realized God's redemptive power.


I prayed, and keep praying, "Show me your plan for the next phase of my life."

I am 21. And, of course, I am spending the first night my new year pounding furiously on the keyboard. I'm kind of worried I'm going to be one of those people who, at 30, comes home after work late at night to an empty apartment and eats dinner from a half-empty carton of Lo Mein just staring into the fridge with the kitchen light off.

Today is my birthday! Happy birthday to ME!

Merry Christmas to you, internet.

I waited until the last possible moment to start my Christmas gifts, like every year, but unlike past years, I am possibly the poorest I've ever been, so I made all my gifts. I ended up crocheting three hats, screen printing two shirts and a hoodie, and framing some 20 photos--all in a span of two days.

While it doesn't feel particularly Christmas-y today, I have spent the whole week listening to massive amounts of Christmas music, which was lovely.


I have received a few books which I am looking forward to reading, The OC Season Three (I've been sitting on the last four episodes of season two because I didn't have this), the sixth Harry Potter movie, and some other whosits. Money money for my bicycle!
Rick left a box on my porch sometime early this morning with a fantastic duffel bag he's always carried (I've always loved) and the zippo lighter he promised me once-upon-a-time. I do miss him, I'm just incredibly indifferent to the situation right now.

I have a green-bean casserole in the oven and a late Christmas lunch/gifting at my mum's parents' next on the agenda.



ETA: OH and new TOMS they are black and should be here next weeeeek